Encountering the Whys

Everyone has wrestled with imposter syndrome - maybe artists more than other folks. The Whys are a super sucky relative of the “I’m fooling everyone” mindset. The Whys just ask you over and over

Why do you bother
Why do you think you can do this
Why do you imagine anyone else will be interested
Why try this new thing
Why rely on this old thing
Why bother.

The Whats are relatives, too, but easier to deal with. The Whys are tough to answer because every answer begets more whys, like you’re dealing with the toddler in your head who will be heard.

I like to do this. It feels bad when I don’t. I think I have something to say that I should say, even though I may not yet have the artistic vocabulary I need. I’m interested in other people, and their art - it’s not far fetched that someone would be interested in mine. I try new things because I want to see what I can do with them, how I can move them, use them, alter them. I use old things because they’re my base, my home, and from that base I can go in any direction I want. I bother because not bothering, being a lapsed artist, hurt my soul and even if no one is watching, I will continue to make.